KELSIE PETERSEN | Contributor and a Boy-Mom |
I’m not sure if anyone has ever told you this before, but raising teenagers is not for the faint of heart! As my youngest entered his teen years this summer, following in the footsteps of his two older brothers, I find myself at times in a strange territory, stuck between teaching and correcting through the hormones and moods, and, at times, staring in a rather uncomfortable mirror. Parenting is surely a journey of sanctification in all of its stages, but walking through this season of children moving rapidly towards adulthood, and trying to prepare them—in all the ways—for what that entails is often a stark reminder of what I have perhaps let slide in my own life, as I’m quietly reminded that the things I am admonishing them to do, are, perhaps, things I would do well to be more careful of, or intentional about, in my own life.
One thing that has been on my heart and mind just this week is joy. Teens are stereotypically notorious for being moody and grumpy more often than some other stages of life. While this is not universally true, I can only speak from personal experience of my own memories of my teen years, along with my journey so far with three teen boys, and say that it is, well, fairly accurate. While some personalities have more of a propensity to grumpiness and dissatisfaction with “life,” it seems that, in general, to notice the negative is a human default.
While visiting with a friend and mentor earlier this week, I was sharing how the grumbling of one of my teenagers, in particular, had been presenting a greater challenge lately. Between his dissatisfaction with his own “lot,” and his comparing how he perceived his brothers’ “lot” as superior to his, I was about up to my eyebrows in complaining and grumbling! As we moved along in our discussion, she told me about a habit she developed when her (now grown) children were young. She began what she called a “Joy Journal,” each day, writing a promise from Scripture from her morning Bible reading, and then recording a reason, from the life in front of her, to be joyful. My jaw nearly dropped when she shared that she was currently on day 11,600-something! Even now, several days later, I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around the significance of that journey. She made it clear that there have been a number of very hard days along the way—of course there would be. Sometimes the “joy” for the day was that nothing worse happened, or that the hard/bad thing only happened once—but she has purposed to find joy in every day. While comparison is known as “the thief of joy,” thinking about the enormity of what she had accomplished caused me to take some stock of my own habits and wish that I had made more of a “joy habit” in my life.
A Foot In Two Worlds
I lived my own teen years with a foot in two worlds. I attended my local Adventist church on Saturdays and strongly identified myself as an Adventist, but I was a student at a non-denominational Christian school, attended a Christian youth group with my school friends. and even began to be a part of a youth worship band at that Christian church. When I joined a non-denominational mission internship program at 17, one of the things a leader said to us, in preparation for a year that was to be long and, at times, difficult, was to the effect of “Happiness is a feeling. Joy is a state of being.” I had never heard it put quite that way before, and it has stuck with me over the years, though too often, I admit, my cognizance of it has faded. I was reminded again of it when my friend spoke of her Joy Journal, and I thought about how heavy and weary I have felt in recent months. I’ve taken it as a reminder that I cannot truly “grow” anything in my children that doesn’t exist within myself. If I’m admonishing my own child for negativity and grumbling, where is he seeing what I hope to see in him, in me?
The word “joy” is found nearly 200 times throughout Scripture, and if you consider its companions “rejoice” and “joyful,” that number increases to nearly 500 instances.
The word “joy” is found nearly 200 times throughout Scripture, and if you consider its companions “rejoice” and “joyful,” that number increases to nearly 500 instances. Joy is a theme that is woven throughout Scripture, finding its way into many books of the Old Testament and becoming a theme within the instruction for the life of the believer across most New Testament books and epistles.
As I perused an online concordance, I noticed that instances of joy, or lack of joy, in the Bible seem often to be linked to the relationship between God and people, whether individually or as a group or whole, and sometimes to the relationship between people. Joy comes when we are open and unashamed before God, seeing and noticing His work in our lives. In Leviticus 9 and Deuteronomy 15, there is joy linked to seeing the power and blessing of God through the ceremonies and sacrifices He laid out for them. This theme of finding joy in the care and provision of the Lord continues through the books of the Prophets as the people rejoice in what the Lord has accomplished for them. From a long list of use of the word “joy” in Psalms, it seems that joy comes from a close abiding relationship with the Lord, and from thinking about, and celebrating what He has done. In the New Testament, the tone switches a bit, and we find more of a shared experience. Joy seems to be a reciprocal state, where two parties are mutually encouraged and brought joy by the other. Joy is part of the fruit of the Spirit, brought forth in the life of a believer as they abide in their new identity as a reborn creation with a new heart.
Joy Connected to Trust
I think we can all agree that the lives of the characters, the very real people, of the Bible were not easy. The challenges they faced, the difficulties they withstood, seem crushing when I compare it to my own circumstances, yet I still find myself too often wondering how I can keep going at all, let alone with…joy? My mind returns to my friend and her Joy Journal. She reminded me that the Bible often speaks of joy and suffering in the same breath. But it seems the way to this is an abiding in Christ, a commitment to His word and and a longing to be in Him and with Him.
Which brings me back to my oh, so helpful mirror. While I try not to live in the land of “should” in my post-Adventism existence, as I’m trying to teach and guide my (teen) children through these years of hormones and emotions and massive growth both in their physical and spiritual selves, I am convicted of my own habits (or lack thereof) of “finding joy” in where the Lord has placed me. I left my friend’s company with a whisper in my heart that perhaps a Joy Journal of my own would be a vehicle, a tool, that could be used to point my heart more to the joy that is in front of me every day, the joy that knowing and living for the real Jesus has brought me, but that too often, I don’t really see – because I forget to look. And maybe, as I start building a habit of looking, I will be more sincere and more “real” when I ask my kids to look for the joy, because they see me looking, too. My friend shared that, while she never hinted or asked or required her children to keep a Joy Journal, they all knew she had one. Several years ago, she was sitting with her journal one morning and remarked to her young adult son that she was on day 6,666. He and his girlfriend were duly impressed, but then her son added “That’s amazing, mom! I’m only on day 342!” After 6,324 days of her own journal keeping, her son had, as an adult, and on his own, decided to build the same habit. That encouraged me so much!
So what about you? What is your joy today? What has the Lord done for you today, given you, brought you to or through, that brings you joy when you ponder it? As I was thinking of how to bring my thoughts together, I was reminded that I’ve often thought how much more grateful our Christian communities would be for each other if we made a habit of sharing our testimonies with each other. With the direction of my thoughts this week, I began imagining the joy we could share with each other, as well, if we began to look for joy, and to ask each other and share amongst our circles the way in which the Lord brings us joy—every day! I don’t know about you, but when I imagine a group of people, all sharing the ways God has been good to them, it makes my heart swell a little!
One of the many things I’ve learned from being a parent is that being a kid is hard! There’s a lot to learn, a lot to do and a lot to take in. Being asked to do it with joy is a different level, completely, and I hope that, as I commit to being more purposeful about finding joy in my life, it will be appealing, and perhaps contagious, for those around me, including my kids! †
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