We Got Mail

Colleen Tinker, Feature, Letters to the Editor

Help! My Husband Is An Adventist!

I hope you are all doing well. And thank you for your podcast, your love and encouragement. 

I have been following your podcast [Former Adventist Podcast] for quite some time now, and it’s been such a treat. I have learned a lot about the Adventist church, and I am so grateful that you exist as part of the body of Christ.

I am not an Adventist. I grew up in a non-denominational church. I knew a lot of Adventists growing up, but I thought our only difference was that they worshipped on Saturday and we worshiped on Sunday. 

When I married my husband, I had started to learn a little bit about the church, but i hadn’t done a deep dive into Adventism. I used to go to his church, and I didn’t see anything out of the norm. 

I did the 27 Fundamental Belief lessons, but I never read them—I just attended the classes.

Once I started doing my research through your channel and other channels on YouTube, and once I started reading on the subject ( I am currently reading The Truth About Seventh-day Adventism by Walter Martin), my heart was broken. I couldn’t believe that someone could believe such falsehood for a lifetime! 

I feel like I don’t know how to help my husband, and every time I try to have a conversation, it ends really, really badly; we argue over the Sabbath, EGW, the investigative judgement, and so on. 

With that said, I have decided not to engage anymore in religious debates with him. We just talk about what we agree on. I also stopped going to church with him as well (not sure if it’s the right decision). I had gone to his church for the past three years, and I haven’t gained anything spiritually—but I love the community. 

How can I help him see the truth other than praying for him? He doesn’t refuse to listen to sermons with me or go to church with me, but I can tell he does it reluctantly. He is a great man and we have an amazing relationship, but now that we are wanting to expand our family—I don’t know how it’s going to work with us having different beliefs, with me convinced that he is on the wrong track and him convinced that he is on the right track. 

I apologize for the long message. Thank you for all you do.

—VIA EMAIL

Response: Thank you for writing. You are in a really hard place. 

First, yes, I believe you have done the right thing in not going to church with him. I also believe that you are doing the right thing not to argue religion with him. 

Have you read Dale Ratzlaff’s Sabbath in Christ? That book systematically goes through all the Adventist Sabbath arguments as he shows how the old covenant was a specific covenant with Israel and that it lasted UNTIL Jesus the Seed came. He shows how that old covenant came to an end in Christ when He fulfilled it, and His blood inaugurated the new covenant. If you haven’t read it, I believe it would help you understand your husband’s worldview, and it might give you a way to address his beliefs about the Sabbath. Here is a link to the book online on our website. 

Would your husband be willing to study the Bible with you? Would he be willing to regularly read through books of the New Testament, in context, one chapter at a time with you without using any commentaries? This method of contextual Bible study is the best way I know to reveal to an Adventist exactly how his/her proof-texts and worldview don’t hold up. I would start with Galatians, Colossians, Ephesians, Hebrews, Romans. And I would also pray that the Lord would show you what to read with him. He really will guide you. Meanwhile, in the background at first, I would equip myself (if I were you!) by reading Sabbath in Christ and then Cultic Doctrine of Seventh-day Adventists (also on our website).

There are also many wonderful articles about Sabbath and the Adventist arguments about Sabbath on our website. Here is a link to articles on the Sabbath

Here is an article you may find helpful along the way about the Adventist proof-texts about “commandments” in Revelation 12 and 14, and here is one about Sabbath being given to Israel before the Sinai when God gave the manna

If your husband agrees to study the Bible with you and he begins to have more questions or at least to see that the Bible’s clear words are somewhat confusing to his Adventist worldview, he might eventually be willing to read Dale’s book on the Sabbath with you. It deals with the Adventist arguments in detail. Another great article by Dale Ratzlaff which is much shorter than the book but which presents the covenants as they are in context without blurring the lines between the law, Israel, and the church is this one on “The Covenants, The Continental Divide of Biblical Interpretation”.  

Meanwhile, feel free to email anytime, and I pray that the Lord will open your husband’s heart and that he will be willing to read the Bible with you and to learn what God’s word says in context. 

Thank you for your affirmation that the podcast has been helpful; we pray the Lord will continue to use this podcast to lead people to Him.

What’s the Difference Between “Reacting” and “Responding”?

Please help—What is the difference between reacting and responding as brought out in the discussion [Former Adventist Podcast, “Parents Blamed for Kid’s Sins?”].  

Thank you in advance.  God bless!

—VIA YOUTUBE

Response: What I meant is that instead of reacting to bad behavior with my normal irritation and anger or harsh responses, I have had to learn to respond to God when the behavior in front of me is triggering me. I have to ask God to give me wisdom and His love in that moment. I may still have to respond quickly and with authority, but instead of yelling or reacting in anger, I can respond to God and in His wisdom and speak truth, set limits and even deliver consequences, but I can do it as one who is delivering God’s will for my child instead of as one who is fighting for my own respect and authority. I have had to learn to quickly ask God to protect me and to be my wisdom and strength BEFORE reacting. I don’t do this perfectly, but in general realizing that I answer to God and that He wants to love my family through me has changed my internal focus. I keep the Lord in mind as I respond—and yes, I sometimes have had to set hard limits, but I have learned that the Lord helps me not to react in sin if I turn the moment over to Him. †

Write to: LifeAssuranceMinistries@gmail.com

Colleen Tinker
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