Do Adventists Meddle in Marriages?
I watched several of your YouTube Former Adventist videos on Ellen White’s writings. Thank you. I will continue to watch to gain knowledge about this organization.
My husband and I got married a bit less than 20 years ago. We were both Christian. But one day he came and said he wanted to go to a church on Sabbath because God never told us to worship on Sunday. I said OK, because I worship God everyday and go to church at least three times a week. I watched Seventh-day Adventists and It is Written on Trinity Broadcasting Network and thought they sounded like Christians, so I pointed him to the Seventh-day Adventist church. I didn’t mind going because I wanted to study and know about prophecy and thought they were knowledgeable. We went, and he joined. He became a Seventh-day Adventist maybe about four years ago. I did not join because I don’t believe what they teach. He now holds several leadership positions in this church.
My husband and I don’t do much together; we don’t eat together. It’s like we live two different lives. My question is this: is he taught to distance from me because I am not an Adventist and he is? I am searching for an answer as my heart it broken by the distance of him.
We have gone to counseling, but the counselor didn’t really help us and looked at our situation as if we both just both love God, so we can coexist together. We now live like roommates.
He gave multiple thousands of dollars to his Adventist church last year while I am struggling. When I realized how much of his money was going to them, that is when I began to wonder, do they tell him to stay away from me? We are not intimate at all, but I am trusting God.
Thank you for considering answering my question.
—VIA EMAIL
Response: Thank you for writing. I am so, so sorry for what you are experiencing!
First, you are correct to realize that Adventism is not, under the surface, Christian. It does not teach the biblical Jesus nor the biblical nature of man and sin and salvation. It is a counterfeit of Christianity that hides “in plain sight”. Most Christians do not realize that Adventists are not Christian and miss the danger signs.
Adventism functions in more restrictive ways in some locations than in others. It morphs culturally depending upon where it is, but under the surface, it is the same. The worldview is the same. Yes, Adventism in most cases absolutely tells its members to distance themselves from non-Adventist spouses. Sometimes the Adventist spouse is even encouraged to divorce the non-Adventist, although not all Adventist pastors are that bold. Nevertheless, it does happen frequently. But I would guess that, considering the way your husband is acting, he is getting some sort of “counsel” from the people at church. I would be quite certain that he is being encouraged to distance from you.
In fact, he may be acting passive-aggressively to get you to divorce him. He would then feel like the innocent party. Yet in truth, what he is doing is marital unfaithfulness. He has abandoned the marriage relationship with you; he may not be sleeping with another woman, but he has “married” his religion instead of you and has abandoned you by abandoning his proper role as your husband.
Do you have a pastor or a trusted female mentor whom you could talk to? I suspect it would help if you spoke with someone who knows you and your situation. It would be wonderful if there were someone who could see below the Adventist mask and address your husband and his beliefs and behaviors.
I will pray for you to have wisdom from the Lord as to how to proceed. And I will pray that the Lord will cause your husband to be uncomfortable and to seek truth. In reality, many marriages end up dissolving when an Adventist spouse refuses to stay engaged in relationship with the spouse that is not Adventist.
God is bigger than these obstacles, as you know, and even if the marriage does not survive long term, the Lord will protect and provide for you. The Lord knows and is working in ways we cannot see. You are right to trust Him!
I Need Help Answering An Adventist!
I’m trying to get my friend out of Adventism. She is clear that we have to work for salvation. According to Hebrews 12:4, she says, we have to work hard, to the point of bleeding. We have to give our ALL. She says I am changing the law, and the law cannot be changed. God doesn’t change. The Ten Commandments stand. Sabbath was given in Eden. I can’t really refute that except for Paul’s verses.
She asked me, “Why did the Israelites have to keep the law? And why did God kill them if they didn’t keep it?”
My brother and I don’t know the answer to that. Could you help?
—VIA EMAIL
Response: It’s all about God’s covenants. God made a specific covenant with Israel at Sinai, and it lasted UNTIL the SEED would come (Galatians 3:17–21). The Ten Commandments were the very words of the covenant (Ex 34:27, 28). That covenant was never made with anyone but Israel.
Have you read Dale Ratzlaff’s book Sabbath In Christ? It really is a “must read”. The gentiles were never asked to keep the law but, rather, were warned NOT to go under the law having already accepted Christ.
The book of Galatians walks through the explanation that gentile Christians cannot be put under the law as does Acts 15 also.
Understanding the biblical covenants is the KEY to understanding the role of the law. It was ONLY for Israel. It was given AFTER Abraham lived (430 later—Gal 3:17–21) and lasted UNtIL the Seed. The law was the Old Covenant. The New Covenant is in Jesus’ blood. He fulfilled the law, and now we answer directly to Him as the Holy Spirit permanently indwells those who believe and trust in Jesus.
Here are some resources. I strongly urge you to watch this video and and to read the following articles:
Reaction to “Is An Orchard a Lack of Faith?
I want to add my voice to the cacophony of voices addressing this issue, or rather, to pass on the balance which some wise pastors have passed on to me. As a blind unemployed person, I take First Thessalonians to heart. It advocates self-control, an aspect of the fruit of the Holy Spirit, but also in the realm of providing for oneself. In order to be dependent on nobody, I try not to spend my last dime, but always have some type of reserve on hand despite the fact that my subsistence is sent by the government.
Were my family wealthier, I might not qualify for the Supplemental Security Income provided, or if I had had longer and more remunerative employment, I could have been on the Supplemental Security Disability Income. As it is, most Americans will take advantage at one point or another of Social Security. We have to pay a small share in.
The Thessalonians had members who quit their jobs and waited for the financial crisis to occur, or for Jesus to come and get them. But Paul advised them to get to work; labor is a good form of exercise and independence, as well as being remunerative. And he counseled Timothy to rebuke the lazy.
So, on the advice of Paul, Christians have more to do than do unbelievers; they have less boredom, more to occupy their minds profitably, and a balanced work and family life allows time for hobbies and avocations.
The industrial revolution has hindered some from having a well-rounded life, however. If I had not been counseled early, my single-task or one-track mind would have prevented me from diversifying.
Reading your thoughts about planting an orchard suggests to me that you understand the importance of working and diversifying pretty well. The Lord promised to come back, and He didn’t tell the Thessalonians (or us) when. But whenever it would be, the servant would have to give an account of what He had given him to develop for His purposes. “Engage in business until I come back,” He said. And I believe that applies to us as well.
We don’t know the time, but we do know the resources He has given us as well as the work He has placed in front of us. We thank Him and ask Him to direct you as you make the best possible use of what He has gifted to you.
—VIA EMAIL
You may write to the editor at: formeradventist@gmail.com
- April 25–May 1, 2026 - April 23, 2026
- We Got Mail - April 23, 2026
- April 18–24, 2026 - April 16, 2026