What Should I Say To My Adventist Friends?
I think I’ve learned more about the Bible as a Christian while researching Adventism than ever before, thanks to you, Nikki, your ministry, and all the speakers at Former Adventist Conference, along with others who have come out of Adventism.
I can easily spend eight hours a day listening to your podcast while highlighting the verses on my Bible app in both ESV and KJV for future conversations with my Adventists friends.
Here’s my question: my friends actually live across the country, and we have never met, but we have been corresponding for years, and they (husband and wife) will call me together after church.
What is the best way or approach to share the Gospel with them? I get the feeling they feel attacked if I ask them very direct questions about their beliefs or Ellen’s authority, and for years I’ve gotten “we believe Jesus is fully God, not a created being, and we believe in faith alone, by grace alone, in Christ alone…”, and they told me they don’t listen to former Adventists when I shared one of your videos.
How do I get them to open up and to have a real discussion? I love the exchange of ideas and research, and I definitely have a “debater” side in me but with zero training. I don’t feel that trying to understand each other’s views with each person sharing is a bad thing, but I can be passionate.
I don’t want to scare them off; they seem skittish about deep discussions. Do I ask questions about conflicting ideas, or share my beliefs and what the Bible says about it? I feel that all the Bible verses on very specific topics we have emailed each other and that all the verses that interpret one another are completely overlooked and ignored with no explanation of how their beliefs get around the overwhelming evidence. They tiptoe around everything.
Here are the main topics I want to address with my friends, but how would you as an Adventist and as a former Adventist suggest I go about this task? Or should I start with something else?
- The Great Controversy: They claim Sola Scriptura, but you can’t read the Bible alone and come to the great controversy. You have to read the great controversy into the Bible.
- Adventists believe that Ellen’s “prophecies” are no different from those of other prophets because she was divinely inspired by the Holy Spirit like the prophets before her, but Adventists believe the Bible is infallible only, not the Living Word of God.
- Adventists believe and say they are Christian, but their beliefs are not Christian. Do I tell them those are not the true beliefs of Christians?
- The Sunday Law: My question is: why are Catholics and Protestants persecuting Sabbath-keepers in the Time of Trouble, and what about all the other people and beliefs in the world? That notion seems to be leaving out all the other religions. Why are those the only three mentioned, and who or what are people supposed to actually be worshipping on Sunday? They don’t seem to be concerned about who or what they worship but focus on the day. A Sunday law seems like the whole world agreed to worship God on Sunday as a very traditional church, but somehow people won’t be able to buy or sell unless they worship on Sunday?
The End Time deception is going to deceive, and it probably won’t look or seem like a church service or observance.
I truly need help in knowing how to approach them and truly love them because now I feel like they are only trying to micro-dose me into Adventism. It’s awkward because they don’t want to have an honest conversation.
Sorry, that was a lot. It’s on my mind day and night. I even dream about it. I don’t want to overwhelm them, but I don’t want to overwhelm you with this email.
I have consumed so much information in a year, I don’t know where to start the conversation. It’s a lot to unravel, but I am learning what the Word says along the way.
Thank you.
—VIA EMAIL
Response: You ask a really good question. It does not have a good, clear answer. If an Adventist is not open to actually studying the Bible and seeing what it says, it becomes futile to persist in discussing doctrine with them. Your relationship with them is a bit rarefied since you have never met—it’s easy for them to “hide” their Adventism from you. The fact that they call you after church and attempt to talk to you suggests to me that they have a singular “purpose” in perpetuating their contact at that time and in that way: they want you converted.
Adventists have an underlying commitment to proselytizing their non-Adventist friends. In fact, Adventists always have the idea that if they know a sincere Christian, their job is to get that person to believe Adventism. It’s ingrained into their worldview. It may not even be fully conscious, but it’s a belief that drives them: “This person would be such a good Adventist…” Most Adventists do not nurture friendships with non-Adventists apart from an unspoken agenda to make them Adventists.
The fact that your friends persist in calling on Sabbath, that they react defensively if you ask them direct questions, and the fact that they refuse to listen to former Adventists tells me a lot about what kind of Adventists they are. I can tell you that if I had a friend who was interested in a belief that differed from Christianity, I would absolutely do some research and listen to or read the sources that were influencing my friend so that I could have an informed conversation with them. The fact that your friends won’t listen to what is teaching you tells me that they just aren’t interested at all. They know what they believe, and they don’t want to be upset by anything addressing their beliefs with clarity and biblical sources. They are insulating themselves.
I realize I may sound harsh about them, but I’m speaking from my own experience as an Adventist and as someone who has interacted with Adventists from my perspective as a former Adventist for 26 years. Your friends are not actually interested in dealing with your concerns; they are interested in making themselves sound “orthodox” and convincing you that they have something you need. I understand their worldview and their attitude—Adventists are taught to speak the way they speak to you.
I wouldn’t bother asking them about their peculiar doctrines. They are taught to defend them with proof texts and subtle manipulation designed to “corner” the uninitiated and to bring the “outsider” to a place of intellectual surrender, in a sense. What I would ask is, “what is the gospel?” If they cannot tell you that it is Jesus’ death for sins according to Scripture, His burial, and His resurrection according to Scripture (1 Cor. 15:3, 4), they do not KNOW the gospel. I have never met an Adventist who could define the gospel. They may say “Jesus died for my sins”, but that is not the gospel as Paul defined it. His resurrection is part of the gospel because that was the proof that His blood was sufficient for all sin, and His blood broke the curse of death. Adventists are not taught that fact.
I would also ask them to define “sin”, and I would ask them what it means that all are sinners. I guarantee that they do not believe that they are born literally spiritually dead—because they do not believe they have a spirit that is separate from their bodies and is either dead or alive. I would ask them how they can be saved—and if they were to die tonight, do they know where they would go?
I might also ask them if they believe Jesus could have sinned or failed in His mission.
I wouldn’t deal with Ellen or doctrines—I’d sit with the questions identifying the gospel. And frankly, if they try to change the subject, to argue for their “fuller” understanding of the practices a Christian must do—like the Sabbath or anything else—I wouldn’t let them go there.
I might also ask them if they would be willing, in their weekly calls, to study the Bible with you. Suggest that you literally read a chapter of an epistle every week together and walk through what Paul says. Start with Galatians, and if they agree to do this, call them on anything they say that contradicts the actual words—such as “Paul is speaking about the ceremonial law”, or “Paul isn’t discussing the Ten Commandments; he’s talking about circumcision”, etc. Circumcision was the rite that gave gentiles Jewish identity, and only after being circumcised was a gentile permitted to keep the law.
If they refuse to submit themselves to the Word and to allow the Word to inform and correct them, I literally would stop having the conversations. I wouldn’t discuss religion at all. We had to come to the place where we told Richard’s parents that we refused to discuss doctrines of demons in our home any longer. They would argue about Adventism and actually refuse to take the contextual words of Scripture seriously, and we had discussions that were just debates and ongoing disagreements without any “movement”. People who defend a false gospel and are not open to knowing Scripture are false teachers. These are the people John said not to shelter in one’s home. These are the people about whom Jesus said to shake the dust from one’s feet. These are the people about whom Jesus said not to give pearls to swine. This attitude of defending false teaching and refusing to submit to God’s word is an attitude of rebellion. Adventists are taught to debate and to argue, and they’re taught to do “friendship evangelism”. Don’t let their friendship blind you to their spiritual hardening. Adventists are taught to masquerade as Christians and to make Christians feel guilty for not embracing them. These are tools to get proselytizes.
I’m so sorry to be so direct. If they are not open to the Bible, they are only trying to convert you. I would discontinue the religious discussions and tell them you will not engage in those anymore. You can ask about their lives, etc., but don’t go to the questions about religion. If they want to know truth, they will let you know—but don’t be deceived by “niceness”. I wouldn’t let them blaspheme the gospel without correction—and if they refuse correction, then refuse to have the conversations.
I hope this helps. I am so sorry for the tangled relationship you have with them, and I pray that the Lord will give you clarity and discernment and show you His will about this friendship. I pray He will open their eyes and also show you how to proceed.
Ex-Adventist Dating Resource?
I’m enjoying the podcasts on Adventist life! I’m hoping all is going well with you.
I have a question for you! I’m wondering if you know of any way to date ex-Adventists online?
Since I was in the Adventist church most of my life, I thought it might be helpful to date someone who’s been there/done that and who knows the pain and sacrifice it takes to get out and discover Jesus’ new covenant!
Thanks for taking time to respond! I appreciate you, Richard, and Nikki so much.
—VIA EMAIL
Response: I actually do not know of any online resources for ex-Adventist dating. I’m sorry! I tend to suggest that you pursue a Christian dating site where you may meet a true believer. I know many of those are “iffy”, but then—so are former Adventists. A LOT of people leave Adventism and do not become true Christians. I would be leery of those…
Thank you for writing, and I’m sorry I can’t steer you to a resource! †
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