HOME / PROCLAMATION MAGAZINE / 2007 / NOVEMBER/DECEMBER / STORIES OF FAITH

NOVEMBER / DECEMBER 2007
VOLUME 8, ISSUE 6

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D E P A R T M E N T S

STORIES of Faith

Victoria's journey through Adventism and cancer to Jesus

Victoria Joustra

 

A few months ago while visiting a local church I listened to a sermon on the Christian's walk. The preacher spoke of the mountains we climb, the valleys we have to go through, and the giants we need to slay. Over the next few days I found myself thinking about the mountains and valleys in my own life and how they have defined my walk with my Saviour.

I did not really know Jesus until late in my life. I was born into a family that had been Catholic for many generations. My parents did not attend church, but when we children were younger, we usually accompanied my grandmother, who was always very involved with the church. I learned more about God from her than from any religion. She also taught me my prayers when I was very young. When I was in my teens, I stopped going to church except for funerals and weddings—including my own nuptials when I was 19.

The years passed. At the age of 32 I helped bury my beloved grandmother. A short time later I went through a very bitter divorce and a custody battle for my son. When the legal proceedings were finished, we moved to a new town, a new house, a new job, and a different life.

Sometime later I met a really good man who loved me and my son, and we both loved him. We had begun to talk about sharing our lives, when someone ran a red light, and our beloved friend was taken from us.

I spent three days at the hospital praying to God to spare him, but he did not get better. His parents finally gave the doctors permission to take him off life support, and he was gone. Heartbroken, I walked out of ICU where I overheard the pastor from his parents' church tell them that their son was taken because he was a sinner. I told that pastor that if this was how God operated, I wanted no part of Him. Then I told God to stay out of my life and leave me alone.

I walked—no, I ran away from God. Years went by before I knew that He did not leave me.

Empty

Life went on. For the next few years I believed the emptiness I felt inside was my mourning for my lost friend. Some of it surely was, but I didn't understand the depth and source of my pain. My life was a routine of going to work, taking care of the home, and spending as much time as possible with my son. He became my one reason for living, the only person inside my heart. I kept all others at a distance.

Then came the day that the company I worked for declared bankruptcy, and I was out of a job. I had no notice and no paycheck. Without realizing what was happening to me, I went into a depression. The only time I could force myself to act normal was when my son was home. When he went to school, I closed the drapes, locked the doors, and shut out the world. I would either sleep or sit in front of the TV until it was almost time for him to get off the bus.

One day a program came on TV in which Billy Graham was giving a sermon on forgiveness. I started to change channels, but for some reason I didn't. I ended up watching the whole program. Graham said there was nothing we could do that God would not forgive, if we sincerely repented. I did not know if I should believe that, but something happened inside, and I got on my knees and told God that while I did not expect Him to forgive me for telling Him to stay away from me, I was truly sorry for doing so. I had come to realize that the dark emptiness in me was because He was not there. I told Him that I wanted Him to know how truly sorry I was. I don't remember the next minutes, but when I became aware again, I was still on my knees, and there were dried tears all over my face. I felt at peace for the first time in many years. It took me a few minutes to realize that my empty feeling was gone.

For the next few weeks, I cleaned house, did yardwork, and watched the TV listings for the next Billy Graham program. When it finally returned, I called the number listed on the screen for those who wanted prayer. After hearing my story, the lady talking with me prayed with me, and I invited Jesus into my heart and life. When I got off the phone, I went to my knees again, promising that never again would I turn my back on Him, no matter what came my way. I promised to be faithful. A few weeks later the Billy Graham ministry sent me a Bible study on the book of John and advised me to find a church home.

I dusted off the Bible that had been given me years before and started reading. I read it through several times; then I started doing Bible studies I would get through the mail. Some of them were quite good; others I discarded after a few lessons. I learned something from all of them.

A new church

Life went on. I returned to work, this time with developmentally delayed adults. They taught me much about love, acceptance, and trust, and I am grateful for the time I spent with them. During this time my dad became ill, and as my son was about to finish high-school, I made plans to move back to my hometown. We put our house up for sale and found another where we wanted to live. Also during this time, I had renewed an old friendship with the man who later became my husband. We share many things in common and have a deep devotion and love for each other. My one regret is that he does not share my faith, although I believe that God is working on that.

After getting settled into our new home, I continued my correspondence Bible studies. When I had completed one particular set of lessons, I got a call from a pastor of the local Adventist church. That last set of lessons had been from the Adventist ministry's head office in the province where I live. The pastor had been contacted when I finished the course, and he called to see if I would like to visit his church on Saturday. They were having a special service, he said.

I went, and I witnessed the baptism of a young girl that day. Everyone was celebrating the event with a potluck and much socializing. There were so many happy people, and they all were praising and loving the Lord. I enjoyed the service and was drawn to them, so when they invited me back, I went again the next Sabbath.

I did not attend for the next few weeks, but then I got a call from the pastor, letting me know a seminar would soon be held in town. It would not be at the church, he explained, but he thought I would benefit from attending. I wanted to learn a little more about these "new found friends". Since I did not yet have a church home but was actually looking for one, I thought I would check out the coming meetings.

One year later I was baptized into the Adventist church.

 

Changes

The church soon took up a lot of my time as I threw myself into different activities: fundraisers, committee meetings, board meetings, Bible study night, women's ministry, and Sabbath morning and afternoon meetings. I was seeing less and less of my family, and I had not much time or energy for personal Bible study.

In fact, I started getting tired more than I should have been, and I visited my doctor. Several days later I received the news that I had advanced ovarian cancer. I had major surgery followed by three months of intense chemo therapy. Not long after that, I had more major surgery and six more months of chemo. My friends from church buoyed me up with visits, cards, uplifting little gifts, and much prayer. They really helped me through a rough time.

As I recovered I returned to church, only to find that some things had changed. There was a new pastor, and very few people were happy with him. Some had even quit coming to church, and there was much tension among the members. I now heard a lot of Ellen G. White in the services; her quotes had not been so evident before. In fact, I had never read anything she wrote, and I was informed it was time I started.

I have a great love for Jesus, and I heard that one of her books, The Desire of Ages, was touted as the best book ever written about His life. I got the book and began to read—and thus began my exodus from membership in the Seventh-day Adventist church. What I was reading did not agree with the Bible, and I found her book diminished Jesus. I soon had many questions the pastor and elders could not answer to my satisfaction. Further, I did not feel the same Spirit when I attended church that I had experienced before my illness. Most times I came away empty.

I returned to personal Bible study using the Bible only.

My cancer returned twice more and required chemo or radiation treatments. During my treatment and recovery, I was mostly housebound, so my husband bought me my first computer. I started researching the Seventh-day Adventist church and Ellen G. White. I spent hours at the computer, and as I read, my eyes were opened. As I learned the truth about Ellen White's false claims and about the Adventist church, I experienced roller-coaster emotions. I felt deceived, angry, ashamed. One night while lying in bed, I found that I could not pray. I sensed heavy darkness around me, and it seemed my prayers could not get through. Very frightened, I called out, "Jesus, help me!" And He was there! The next morning I gathered all the research notes and put them away in a file, and I stopped reading EGW materials.

 

Not alone

I had grown close to many people at church and felt torn and confused about what to do. After what I had discovered, however, I felt that I could not be true to Jesus and my promise to Him and stay in the Adventist church.

About this time I followed an online link that led me to the Former Adventist Fellowship Forum. There I found that I was not alone. I spent many hours reading the posts and stories of people who had left Adventism and found the strength and courage to write a letter to have my name removed from the church books. It was not an easy letter to write. Most of my friends were church members.

To make matters worse, cancer had raised its ugly head again, and I was back in treatment. This time the effects of the treatment were the worst ever. The pastor e-mailed me that he did not want to bother me until I was finished with my treatments (as I was at this time obviously not thinking straight), but he wanted very much to meet later and answer any questions I might have. He even offered me a book by Clifford Goldstein which he thought would put my mind at rest.

I e-mailed him back that my questions had been answered by my research, and I had no interest in the book. I further told him that my reading for the next while would be the Bible only.

Besides the pastor's email, I received separate calls from two ladies wanting to know if I was giving up the Sabbath. Other than those three contacts, one friend still keeps in touch and visits me.

I am apostate. At first I felt resentful, but I now realize that most of them are third or fourth-generation Adventists. By leaving, I was questioning their whole lifestyle. They in their small church had not deceived me, but they are themselves being deceived. I pray for them, but I am very happy that God led me out of there.

Awesome God

I have climbed some mountains in my life and have had some real mountain top experiences, such as the day my twin grandsons, only a few hours old, were placed in my arms, and I gave thanks to God for the blessing of those small miracles. At times like that I feel close to God, and I am so grateful for His presence.

I have also gone through valleys. It may sound odd, but I am even more grateful for the valleys than the mountains, because it is there that I feel Him close to me. There He enabled me to face my giants. There He showed me His faithfulness.

I am in treatment again, for the 5th time. This is one more valley to cross. But I am not afraid, as I know He is with me, and that He will never let me walk alone. As a 'cyber friend' of mind likes to say, "Our God Is Awesome." †

 

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Victoria Joustra and her husband Jacobus are retired and share their home in Newfoundland, Canada, with their two dogs. She has not found a church home yet but attends services at different churches and a non-denominational Bible study once a week.