HOME / PROCLAMATION! MAGAZINE / 2012 / WINTER / FAITH STORY
DAN BURTON
This is the story of a Baptist man who married a former Adventist woman almost 40 years ago and is beginning to understand her journey.
It was our regular Sunday morning service at our local Baptist church in Winnipeg, Manitoba (in the middle of Canada), and I, the president of our newly minted College and Career (C & C) group, was standing at the back of the church with our pastor greeting people as they left the service. While the pastor was focused on everyone coming through the door, my objective was to find new recruits for our C & C group—and, if possible, good-looking female ones. And there she was—a striking young woman with a sense of purpose in her step who greeted us by saying, “Hello, my name is Shirley Bilyk, and I am a Seventh-day Adventist”.
The pastor said, “That’s nice—and what brings you to a Baptist church?”
She answered by saying, “I’m exploring other churches.” And thus began a journey that I will never forget since it ended in our getting married almost 40 years ago—but I am getting ahead of myself.
Shirley was raised a strict Seventh-day Adventist and was faithful to all the rules—but only because she had to be. She hated being different from all her friends and wondered why she couldn’t listen to popular music or go out on Friday nights. It seemed as if everything desirable in life was met with “No”. She questioned the teachings of Ellen White, and just before she was baptized, she told her pastor that she didn’t believe in the prophetess. He said her doubt was not a problem; she would come to believe eventually.
Shirley attended an Adventist school from grades five through nine. When she failed grade nine, her father insisted that she transfer to public school. Ironically, it was at that public school that she met a girl who was a born-again believer. This new friend lived out grace, and she made a lasting impact on Shirley. Eventually, when Shirley lost her first serious boyfriend because no one in her world would accept him because he was not an Adventist, she started thinking hard about where she stood. One day, when she was 18 years old, she found herself telling her mother that she was leaving the Adventist church. Shirley had not premeditated that conversation, but she suddenly realized that she had to articulate the conviction that was growing in her heart. This declaration was a huge step for her because she knew she would face anger and rejection from her staunch Adventist mother, rejection from her father who was not Adventist but didn’t want anyone rocking the boat, and rejection from her sister and only sibling because Shirley had upset their mother.
That courageous young woman was the person who boldly proclaimed her position to us on the steps of the church that Sunday morning. Little did we know the cost of what she was doing.
Believer—or not?
Shirley was welcomed into the church, and because she answered all the pastor’s questions the way we expected a Christian would answer, she was accepted as a believer. To be sure, she had some strange beliefs, but we were confident that we would straighten them out in due course. An accomplished pianist, Shirley was soon playing for Sunday School and then for church services. She joined our C & C group, and because of her organizational skills (among other things), I got her involved in many of our social activities.
Shirley started coming to our church in April, 1969, but it wasn’t until Christmas of that year that the full impact of the gospel and the meaning of grace broke through her well-camouflaged spiritual veil. It was the evening of our annual Christmas concert, and the pastor was presenting the gospel to the visiting parents of children who were attending our Sunday School. As he told them how much God loved them and accepted them just as they were because of what Jesus had done, suddenly Shirley realized, for the first time, that God loved her and accepted her just as she was. She didn’t have to do anything to earn His favor, and her sins were forgiven because of what Christ had done, not because of all the things she did. She was transformed in that moment, and we all saw the difference.
New Journey
And so began another journey. For Shirley it was learning about God and His love as she studied the Bible and understood its meaning more clearly. For me, the guy who was interested in Shirley personally, the journey was trying to understand what she had believed prior to her salvation. How could it look so much like what we Christians believed while lacking the power to bring her to a personal relationship with Christ?
Shirley suggested that, as part of our journey, some of our College and Career group have Bible studies with a number of Adventists with whom she had grown up, to find out what they believed so we could then compare and contrast Adventism with biblical Christianity. It wasn’t easy to get anyone to meet with us, but she found a few including the man who was then principal of the academy she had attended who agreed to study together. We had a number of meetings, and the principal especially sounded very evangelical. I felt confused because what Shirley said Adventists believed and what he said were very different. I decided that Shirley must have had a bad experience with a very legalistic pastor like many of us had growing up.
A few years later, after we were married, however, my eyes began to be opened. There was an Adventist school reunion, and attendees were urged to invite all their friends who had stopped going to the Adventist church. This meeting would bring them back into the flock. The same academy principal, now a returned missionary, with whom we had studied the Bible was the main speaker. Shirley and I decided to go, and I couldn’t believe what I heard.
All the conversations among the young people were about keeping the Sabbath or about what they couldn’t do because they were Adventist. Surprisingly to me, the real hot button was food. The burning question was: are you still a vegetarian, or are you sneaking off to McDonalds?
I had stumbled into a whole new world. It was like some strange sub-culture where one’s life was governed by a totally different set of rules than those in normal society. When I heard those conversations, the things that Shirley had been saying about Adventism started to make sense.
Then the speaker gave his message. What a message! There was no gospel; there was no call to return to Christ. Rather, the talk was a call to return to “the truth”.
“Wait a minute—who said you have a corner on the truth?” I silently demanded of the speaker. Furthermore, there was no reference to Scripture to validate “the truth”. Instead, the talk was all about a set of rules someone had made up that looked more like Old Testament Judaism than the claims of Christ. To stop eating at McDonalds seemed far more important than to submit one’s life to the Lordship of Christ.
These things were confusing, but they weren’t what upset me the most. What particularly annoyed me was the contrast between what the speaker had said during his Bible studies with us and what he said to his own flock. He had two different messages for two different audiences. I couldn’t figure out the purpose of the apparent cover up. If a person believes something, then why not tell the world and be proud of it? He may face some push-back, but if one can’t be true to what he believes with those who are not a part of him, then what is the point in having the belief in the first place? I thought the Christian’s goal was to win over those who didn’t believe either by the example of one’s life or by a compelling explanation of one’s faith. This duplicity seemed confusing at best and manipulative at worst.
The other notable experience I had in that early journey to understand Adventism was attending Revelation seminars. By this time Shirley and I had been married a couple of years, and she wanted me to understand how she had grown up. Revelation seminars had been an integral part of her childhood, so we decided to attend a local series. I had never seen anything like it in my life. I had just finished a year of Bible College training and had taken classes in eschatology, so I was aware of the various views of end-times theology. This one, however, was brand new to me. I must say that I can no longer remember much of what I heard, but I was left with a lasting impression.
The sense of fear and hopelessness the messages conveyed was palpable. The remnant was going to face incredible persecution, but in the end they still didn’t know for sure if they were going to make it to heaven. I wondered to myself who in their right mind would embrace this kind of teaching. To be honest, after those meetings I dismissed Adventism as a fringe group that lacked credibility and was not worthy of further consideration.
Not Adventist but not “unpacked”
After we married, Shirley and I started our life together as active Christians in our local Baptist church. Then, in 1973, we launched into an adventure: we helped to start a satellite church plant in the part of our city where we lived, and I served as a deacon for most of our married life. Shirley has always been active in music, and in those early days with the new church, she was all the music we had. Her Adventist past became a distant memory for me, and it was only when she would speak up in Bible study about an interpretation of Scripture that originated with Ellen White that I would remember her unfortunate past.
Shirley, however, was not able forget Adventism and move on. To be sure, she immersed herself in Christianity and church life. Nevertheless, Adventism still colored her thinking and her feelings. She often wondered if there was anyone else out there who had left Adventism and had become a born-again Christian. She knew that many of her childhood friends had left Adventism in complete disillusionment and anger and had no interest in attending any kind of church. She was very lonely as she worked to become integrated into the Christian community because she had no one who understood her past and her theological confusion who could share her journey. She and I would talk often about her past, and I was sympathetic, but I really didn’t understand. In reality, I was quite quick to dismiss her past Adventism as irrelevant now. As I think back, I wish I had been more attentive to her feelings, but I really didn’t understand that she was not merely struggling to let go of a past memory but of an entire worldview that shaped all her perceptions.
In 1994 I started my own business in commercial real estate, and in those early years it was tough going. Shirley had been a stay-at-home mom when we had children and loved raising our three kids. They were all in school, so I asked her if she would be willing to go to work for a period of time while I got on my feet. Her greatest asset has always been her music, and she heard of an opportunity playing for a funeral home. It is a testament to her creativity that she made a thriving business out of customizing music for funerals!
It was while she was playing for a particular funeral home that she met a soloist who was particularly gifted. They struck up a relationship that lasts to this day, but in the process Shirley found out that the soloist was an Adventist. Shirley wanted to tell her about the change that Christ had made in her life, but she knew that Adventists were hard to change. She wished she had something to give her to read, but she could find nothing. Over the years they talked about their respective faiths, but as expected, neither of them made any changes. In 2000 Shirley started surfing the web to find a book by Richard DeHaan entitled, Who Changed the Sabbath? In the process of searching, she found the Former Adventist Fellowship (FAF) website. Suddenly, a whole new world opened to her. There were other people out there who had been Adventists but now were Christians! She had found the family she never knew she had.
From 2000 to 2006 Shirley frequented the FAF website as well as others she found, and she finally contacted Colleen Tinker and talked with her about what FAF did and how they helped other former Adventists. Shirley found out there was a Former Adventist Fellowship Conference being held in Redlands, California; she talked to me about it, saying she would love to go. I wasn’t sure where Redlands was, so I Googled it and found it was not too far from Palm Springs, one of my favorite winter getaways. I thought to myself that this could be a win-win situation: Shirley could to go to a conference, and I could bask in the sun!
That year we were too late to attend the conference, but we did agree to meet the Tinkers at Trinity Church in Redlands. In addition, they told Shirley that every Sunday they have a number of former Adventists over to their house after church, so she could meet some of them if she came.
The day we were to go to Redlands I woke up feeling dizzy and disoriented. I had no interest in going anywhere and was concerned about my ability to drive. I knew that this visit was very important to Shirley, so I braced myself and told her that she might have to drive if I couldn’t handle it. We made it without incident, but throughout the service I continued to feel dizzy. By the time we were ready to go home that afternoon it had all left.
I didn’t think much of it, but we started to notice a pattern each year as we went to the FAF conference. Something, whether it was a travel mix-up, health issues, or family crisis would conspire to nearly stop us from attending the conference. It was as if someone didn’t want us there. We have now come to expect something unexpected to arise each year as we prepare to go to FAF conference.
For Shirley the annual FAF conference is like a pilgrimage to be with family, and she treasures each moment. For me it is more of a time to observe. We have met many fascinating people whose stories are varied but always compelling. I have learned much about Adventism but more about God’s work in the lives He has changed.
The leadership of the former Adventist group is passionately committed to helping those who are struggling with their Adventist backgrounds and experiences to find a meaningful relationship with Jesus Christ and make Him the center of their lives. While many say that one can be committed exclusively to Jesus while maintaining the Adventist faith, most former Adventists maintain that such a commitment is impossible if one is still Adventist. The theological differences are so substantial that Adventism and biblical Christianity cannot thrive together in a person’s heart. I have listened as leadership has talked about trying for years to reconcile Adventism with a vibrant personal walk with Christ. They really wanted to unite the two and tried desperately to do so, but in the end they found it just wouldn’t work. I resonate with this thinking for I, too, try to work out problems in my church when I find something is going astray. The longer one has been in a church, the more one loves it and wants to preserve it. It takes tremendous courage to admit, not only to oneself but also to others, that there is terminal error in the camp.
Like most people not familiar with Adventism, I had no idea how different their theology is from mainline evangelicalism. I have never read much of Ellen White, although I did take a run at The Great Controversy when I first met Shirley. I found it so convoluted in style, however, that I quickly gave up. I was truly amazed to find out about the Adventist doctrines of the Trinity, hell, the investigative judgement, the remnant church, and the importance of the Sabbath. Additionally, it was equally important to me to learn the implications of holding these beliefs. It became very evident why one cannot be an Adventist and hold to a Christ-centered evangelical faith.
It is heart-breaking to me to hear of former Adventists who loved their Adventist church and its people and have tried to show them the error of their ways in as loving a way as possible, and then have those same people turn on them, having nothing to do with them because they left “the truth”. The “formers” end up becoming enemies of the very ones to whom they reached out because they cared for them.
Family dynamics play a significant role in peoples’ responses to Adventism and in how they leave it. Those who grew up in highly legalistic and unloving environments find themselves bitter and very resentful toward the church, and they often blame the church for most of the dysfunction in their lives. After talking with a number of former Adventists and hearing how they grew up, it is hard to tell if the church caused the bad family, or if the bad family chose the church that fit with their dysfunction. When one hears of good family environments, much of that resentment is not present. I think it is really important to try and separate the two factors.
Adventism, as do many cults, uses social rejection as a tool to manipulate and control its people. Over and over I have heard people talk of how their parents and family would have nothing to do with them if they left “the truth”. Since they grew up in the church and had few other friends outside Adventism, what were they to do? The pressure to conform is immense. The approach is not unique to Adventism, but it is certainly not grace-based and does nothing to encourage unconditional loving relationships.
The more individuals have invested in a religion, the harder it is for them to accept the fact that they made a mistake and to turn from it. This phenomenon is true in all of life, but it is poignantly illustrated in Adventism. The book Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions and Hurtful Acts (Carol Tavris and Eliot Aronson) is an excellent account of research done to prove this point. The opening account reminded me of Adventism and the William Miller story.
When people give themselves to a religion like Adventism for much of their lives and then find out that the tenets of their faith are flawed, having no basis in Scripture, they find it very hard to trust any kind of spiritual authority. That broken trust leaves people in a real quandary. It is human nature to want and need to trust others, but when trust is broken, the tendency is to put up walls.
These observations all point to one reality: only Christ can overcome these obstacles. Their reliance on this truth is what is so evident to me about the former Adventists. I get goose bumps when I listen to them sing at conferences. The song that does me in is “In Christ Alone”. The passion with which they sing that song is overpowering because it is so real for them. Only Christ could have freed them from the bondage of Adventism. Only Christ could put a new song in their heart. Only Christ could set their hearts on fire. These people are the real deal. They get excited about learning Scripture, and it is a joy to see them dig into the Word. They soak up good teaching like a thirsty dog slurps up its water. It can be noisy, but it is really good!
In conclusion, I want to address former Adventists directly. As an outsider I have a great deal of respect for you. You are overcoming huge obstacles. You are not perfect, and many of you may have a long way to go to become healthy—but then, don’t we all? You are part of a wonderful family of former Adventists, and it is great to have fellowship and commiserate together. Don’t forget, however, that God has called you out of your past; you are also now part of a much larger family—the family of God. There is a time to put the former things behind you and to move on in your Christian walk. Your stories are unique, and not many understand what you have gone through, so it is easy to stay where it is comfortable. As you “unpack” your worldview, however, you’ll realize that there is a big world out there, and God has some really important things for you to do. He will redeem your past confusion for His glory. Use the passion and the insights He has given you and the reality of Christ in your life to carry out His plans for you. Trust Jesus, and make a difference in your world. †
Copyright 2012 Life Assurance Ministries, Inc., Casa Grande, Arizona, USA. All rights reserved. Revised December 17, 2012. Contact email: proclamation@gmail.com
Dan Burton grew up in a Christian family that worshiped at a Baptist church in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. He graduated from the University of Manitoba with a Business degree and worked for an international Insurance company for 17 years before starting his own business as a commercial real estate portfolio manager for Canadian pension funds. Dan helped launch a church plant in 1977 and has served on the church board for over 30 years as well as serving on a number of other non-profit boards. Dan and his wife Shirley have three grown children and three grandchildren.
W I N T E R • 2 0 1 2
VOLUME 13, ISSUE 4
D E P A R T M E N T S
Stories of FAITH
